same river twice

an amazing thing happened to me
cocked ready to kill
in one of the dead places I knew so well
she told me to calm down
and it made me pause.

she told them to fuck off
but didn't mean it
cause she looked at me breathing hard
like an injured horse
and loved me.

she took me by the hand
into the alley
let me weep
then changed the subject
sofly and loved me.

I still have a grievance with god
for giving me this heart
then hiding it deap in my chest,
but I've changed so much these last few months
now that I have somthing to lose;
she wakes up in our clean white sheets
smiles at me then scowls at the day
cause she loves me.

a hero dies but once and a coward a thousand times
the past proves me a coward
but not my dead friends heros
when I die
I hope I will have made a hero's home
in some suburb
far from contemporary art, theater and suicide
and with one who loves me.

i can still beat up your boyfriend
and get god fired
but you know what?
I'm tired.
I got this heavey bag of groceries
and a hill to climb
to get to that girl
who loves me.