caught up

the novel is nearly finished. im nearly mad.
She sings to celibrate
delicate
borrowed everything
desire makes it all simply
bad



nearly airless
my mountain loves me
and I long and long
and forget what I was saying





she said
thin through a world of phone lines
I feel nothing





I wonder what the lynx would make of
rittenhouse square;
those white bellys and low cut whats.
Baby fat women, fat babies,
broken stumbling whiskey cheeked men: me
hot dog smells, rigatoni in the trash
places to hide
hidden slumbering hidding men
screams of pleasure
screams.
I wonder what I miss in these woods.




marooned moon
he can see us
but cant reach
cyote and blues man
shines like that
then dies like that
lonely bar room light


jars of color
above her bed
she described me by my clothes
I didn’t see me
in any of it at all




ridiculous lost
addicts stumbling
pitching dorm hallways
that’s how I spent my summer





dady died doen what
he thought he was born to do

drinken dreaming wishing scheming
and dryheaving until he was blue

we drop like flies
as days go by only one thing to do

write a song
write a poem
steal and make it new



Somone needs to collect these maddening tidbits and make some sort of existential ceral.




Bave and beautiful (for fawn)

stealing booze at the whiskey bend
left with fawn and her friend

closed my eyes and tried to repent
but by then all my money was all spent

now Im brave and beautiful
rain streets are clean
most brave and beautiful
I’ve ever seen
brave and beautiful
it’s obsene
I’m scared.

no body told us it’s so easy to forgive
but when we’re rolling some shits gatta give

you know I love her in a real bad way
but at this pace there’ll be hell to pay

yeah we’re brave and beautiful
laying in the door way
you know I love you
no matter what I say
brave and beautiful
in a peacefull way
I fear tomorow

She’s hoarce and scared I can’t eat a thing
I feel so awful I just gatta sing

I know you love me to bleed like you do
we’ll try again when there’s nothing left to prove

the brave and beautiful
sun came up
all of our wealth
we went and fucked it up
brave and beautiful
aint enough
so suicidal
I’ll just shut up.





be nice baby and ill write you a song
weve been a waiting for years and it wont be long
I’m forlorn

weve met before in portland haze
I don’t regret a thing from those dark days
I’m forlorn

I make you kinda nervous when I talk to much
but things need said that most wont touch
I’m forlorn

don’t take it personaly
dont take me for granted
dont mix liqours baby
keep yer feet firmly planted
stay forlorn

you saved my life from a speeding train
i’ve been around the world but I’m still te same
I’m forlorn

nobody been broke like I am today
got thousand dollar bill on a mountain range
I’m forlon

you laugh when your sad and fight when happy
baby hold me down when I feel crappy
I’m forlon

don’t be mistaken
I’m a good man
except when I’m scared
I run as fast as I can

some simple sonbitch once called me a whore
but that was way back on the jersey shore
I’m forlorn

im forlon but its okay
I got a warm room and place to stay
Im forlorn

Im forlorn but thats the way it is
nobody ever said itd be better than this
Im forlorn




I can get a tip jar
play it down ayt dinos bar
you can cry and cocktail
anything but jail
I can get a tip jar
beat a borrowed guitar
for you

like I done before

been breaking in windows
been knocking down doors
been doing all the shit
that I done before

been breaking up marriges
been breathing down necks
been wandering the city
wonderig whats next

I been breaking bottles
I been dirtying your bed
I been doing all the things twice
before I’m dead

loose in new Orleans
loose in my mind
blacked out baby
and pickled my mind

I got an ounce of solace
too much time
and album to write
not a lousy dime

loose and lonely
loose in my mind
blacked out baby
pickled my mind


gray area

“i’m not going home and
i’m not going home.”


portland problems
like overcast
or drinking
thinking of leaving.
it’s redundant
really
when really it is a changing city
of people fearing change.
before that was there
it was ugly
but it was home.
I broke it down into lists
before leaving last
then got drunk
and left too fast.
but I did stop to make love
in a trainstation parking lot.
when I can only fuck
it will really be time to leave,
or I will have already have left
portland.