Dear Listeners...

An actual e-mail I received just minutes after the sender's boyfriend called and asked me to write a play about christmass. The resulting mass suicide in Kentucky was to be expected.

emily vernon to me
More options 9:04 am (4 hours ago)


looks good.
how did meeting with sammy go?
i had the strangest dream about you. or more
specifically, your writing.
i dreampt you had talked your way into writing for a
semi-famous magazine on a regular basis and i was
reading this awesome article that you pretended to
write about yourself. you claimed an alias to do so
and wrote a sort of expose on yourself as a sham and a
liar and the whole article cast this sense of doubt
about who you really were while also implying that you
were exposing yourself as being this sham. the result
was this beautiful exposition on a persons self-doubt
and asking "who am i?". it was wonderful. you should
write it. it was great because it was sort of
strangely academic, like you were saying (under an
alias) that "patrick carrico" was like this guy
hemingway met in a bar who after befriending hemingway
began to pose as a writer and got paid to write weird
crap, but the reality he was just some guy in a bar
who ripped off hemingways schtick. it was a cool
article too because you sort of called into question
what a writer is. like was hemingways drinking buddy
less of a writer than hemingway? doesn't that sound
like a great article? it also started out something
like "patrick Carrico who has recently authored
several pieces for this publication, is under review
for the circumstances under which he was accepted as a
conributor." type of thing but then it talks about
hemingways friend and how it's becoming clear to the
publication that your a fraud and all this stuff. what
a weird good dream. you really should write that
article. i think in the dream i was reading it
thinking "PATRICK wrote this!! HA!" because it was so
obvious the publicationw ouldn't have printed it if
you hadn't. so it was really just you calling yourself
out.